A Collaborative Approach with Divorced Parents

This article was originally published in the December 2022 Issue of the Association for Play Therapy’s magazine

As play therapists who wholeheartedly believe in the therapeutic power of play, we know how invaluable play therapy is for families in responding to difficult transitions and relational trauma. This is especially true for children who are navigating the reality of their parents’ divorce. Divorce, even when handled well by both parents, causes a disruption to the child’s sense of normalcy within their family system. The challenge of divorce has shown such significant consequences on the well-being of children that it was included as an item in the Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs) Questionnaire (Burke Harris, 2019). High conflict divorce in particular can damage the child’s felt sense of relational security and attachment to their parents, which often presents in children through post-traumatic symptoms (Shumaker & Kelsey, 2020; van der Wal et al., 2019) . The literature on divorce suggests that therapeutic support serves as an important buffer against the myriad negative consequences of divorce, particularly for young children (Dillman et al., 2011; Kenney-Noziskan & Lowenstein, 2016). 

Despite knowing the effectiveness of play therapy for families navigating divorce, many play therapists take pause at the various legal and ethical nuances that arise when working with divorced families. One ethical gray area that play therapists particularly struggle with is whether or not to acquire consent from both parents when consent is only required from one parent. As play therapists who ascribe to the value of working alongside the client’s whole family system, how do we proceed when only one parent requests therapy for their child and only their consent is required? 

In this situation, perhaps the question is not what is sufficient or legally allowed, but rather how can we best understand and meet the needs of the child. Going beyond what is required by contacting and acquiring consent from both parents grants us a fuller picture of the child’s family system and the needs of the child from a systemic perspective. Establishing contact with both parents also allows us to build rapport with the salient adults in the child’s life. Our profession offers us the privilege of serving as a helpful bridge between the child and their parents while also advocating for the child’s needs from our unique therapeutic vantage point. When we invite both parents to collaborate in their child’s involvement in play therapy, we are affirming the importance of their role in the child’s development and well-being and enhancing their opportunities to positively impact their child. Furthermore, involving parents in their child’s therapeutic process often supports therapeutic goals and outcomes so that the long-term effects of play therapy are sustained (Bratton et al., 2005).

Of course, there are exceptions to the above recommendation to contact both parents, such as when one parent has lost parental rights or is only granted limited, supervised visitation due to a history of abuse or neglect. The safety of our child client is paramount; therefore, only adults that have been deemed safe by the court should be privy to their involvement in therapy. Otherwise, it is clear that the benefits far outweigh the risks and challenges when we decide to collaborate with both parents of our child clients. 

References

Bratton, S. C., Ray, D., Rhine, T., & Jones, L. (2005). The Efficacy of Play Therapy With Children: A Meta-Analytic Review of Treatment Outcomes. Professional Psychology: Research and Practice, 36(4), 376–390.

Burke Harris, N. (2019). The deepest well: Healing the long-term effects of childhood adversity. Mariner Books. 

Dillman Taylor, D., Purswell, K., Lindo, N., Jayne, K., & Fernando, D. (2011). The impact of child parent relationship therapy on child behavior and parent-child relationships: An examination of parental divorce. International Journal of Play Therapy, 20(3), 124–137.

Kenney-Noziska, S., & Lowenstein, L. (2016). Play Therapy with Children of Divorce: A Prescriptive Approach. In A. L. Stewart & D. A. Crenshaw (Eds.), Play therapy - A comprehensive guide to theory and Practice (pp. 290–302). essay, Guilford Publications. 

Shumaker, D., & Kelsey, C. (2020). The existential impact of high-conflict divorce on children. Person-Centered and Experiential Psychotherapies, 19(1), 22–37.

van der Wal, R. C., Finkenauer, C., & Visser, M. M. (2019). Reconciling mixed findings on children’s adjustment following high-conflict divorce. Journal of Child and Family Studies, 28(2), 468–478.